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Nastycrat

from Holding On by Efenwealt Wystle

/

about

I was recently in charge of keeping the bathrooms clean at a local SCA event. I was appalled at the bathroom habits of some SCAdians, so I wrote this as a Public Service.

lyrics

Now there’s the Autocrat and Feastocrat and Merchantcrat and Troll
A Servercrat, an Artsycrat and Parkingcrat, you know.
And then there’s the Nastycrat - That’s me
I’m the gentleman who cleans the pri-hi-vy!

Now I’ll sing you my advice To keep the bathrooms looking nice.
And that will make my job so ea-he-sy.


If you sprinkle when you tinkle be a sweetie, wipe the seatie
Regardless if you sit or if you stand
Don’t wash dishes in the sinky. Don’t leave diapers full of stinky
And please remember always wash your hands.

If you use up all the paper, don’t let someone find out later.
Or else you’ll be despised for what you did!
If you clog the John with crap, find a plunger, clear the trap
And most importantly put down the lid.

Chorus:
I’m the Nastycrat. I’m the Nastycrat
I’m really not that nasty. I just clean the place you shat.
If you clean each mess yourself, you won’t need this nasty elf.
I’m the Nastycrat - that’s me.


If you make a putrid pooty, spray the air with something fruity,
or scented like fresh linens, rose or pine (mmmm shitrus)
When you praise the porcelain goddess, please close the door. Be modest.
And next time don’t drink liquor before wine.

When you go to the latrine, pretend you are the Queen
Always be considerate and kind.
Though we practice feudalism, when you use the euphemism,
Our modern hygiene habits you must mind.

chorus

credits

from Holding On, released August 1, 2014

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all rights reserved

tags

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The Blibbering Humdingers Cary, North Carolina

These magical masters of musical hi-jinx and mayhem will wizard rock the tea towel right off your house elf. Their unique blend of 80s new wave, 50s do-wop, straight up pop rock and old-timey sing-song comedy will leave you laughing and crying for more. Songs about the wizarding world of Harry Potter, Dr Who, D&D, the SCA, medieval fantasy and all kinds of nerdy fandom. Salaciously whimsical! ... more

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